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I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.