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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss