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For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.