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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, Iām a hunter-gatherer.
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
Excuse me sir, where do you keep the "Whoomp"? Oh, there it is.