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I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.