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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.