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I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to