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When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.