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I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
I just threw up my weekend.
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of