Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, β€œtry not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....