Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....