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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!