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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...