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Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
The first sign of laziness:
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?