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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
I drink because people talk.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.