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I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
Iām that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.