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Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
only fights if pillows are present.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.