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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.