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Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.