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I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.