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My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.