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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.