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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
really vry funny
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.