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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!