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I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.