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Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can`t make eye contact.
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
I have nothing!
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.