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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.