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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden