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I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.