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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.