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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.