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Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!