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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.