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I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.