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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"