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I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.