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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.