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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"