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Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)