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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.