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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.