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If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Iām going to start telling girls that Iām available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!