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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.