Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.