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No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
about love
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.