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I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.