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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.