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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.