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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...