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People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Iām starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
After I die, there are some people Iām going to haunt the sh!t out of.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.