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"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
My internet goes out more than I do.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?