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Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.