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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.