Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.