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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.