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Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?