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that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.