Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.