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My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
My body needs a refresh button.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.