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Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
It takes balls to be a man.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.