Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t care about your status...
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
If you ever hear me say that I missed you it`s only because I have bad aim.
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.