Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?