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Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.