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Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
This is a lousy dating site.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M