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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?