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Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
Smelling another person should be a choice.