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I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D