Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Condoms prevent minivans.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.