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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
If I pretend to be dead will you stop talking?
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.