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I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
Girls just wanna have funds.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.