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There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Imagine how freaked out the first human must of been on the first sneeze.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.