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I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.