Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s really ironic that I mostly use my driver`s license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
Soup of the day: Beer
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.