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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily Iām just unpopular.