Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work