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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.