Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Iām cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.