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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday