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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.