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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.