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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."