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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.