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Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!