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Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Gym Update: Not there.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired